Last Updated on March 21, 2020 by Nathaniel Tower
Do you like having your short stories rejected? Although you might be a generally positive person who likes to learn from your rejections, chances are that you don’t want to get rejections. Unless, of course, you’re an absolute sadist (don’t all writers have to be at least a little bit?).
In reality, no one spends the time to write and submit fiction with the goal of collecting rejections. We’re trying to get our work published. So why do we still spend so much of our time writing unpublishable stories? Of the 20,000 or so stories I read during my time at Bartleby Snopes, I encountered hundreds—maybe thousands—of unpublishable stories. Some weren’t publishable because the writing was bad. Others were just uninteresting. And many of them were rejected because they fell into some horrible writing trope that just shouldn’t be done anymore.
Here are five stories you should never submit if you want to get your work published:
Stories about writers
Obviously this was going to be on the list. And obviously it was going to be number one. Just give it a rest. Why do writers keep pumping out stories about writers? It’s time to face a very important truth: writers aren’t very interesting people, and the struggle to write something is possibly the dullest plotline ever invented.
Still, every writer in the world has written a story about a writer at some point. Editors don’t want to see these stories ever again. The moment a writer enters the scene, the story goes straight to the rejection pile. And the absolute worst is when the story is told by a writer who is writing about writing. Every possible plotline about writers has already been used and exhausted and then reused again. The only way I’d ever want to see another story about a writer is if the antagonist is a killer pen who brutally murders the writer on the first page of the story.
Stories that are sexist, racist, or homophobic
It seems like at least a quarter of all submission guidelines out there mention something about how they don’t want you to send them sexist, racist, or homophobic stories. No shit! This seems so fucking obvious that it shouldn’t need to be stated. But it absolutely has to be stated because there are so many assholes out there who still write and submit sexist, racist, and homophobic stories. Unless you are sending your work to Racist Homophobe Quarterly, then keep that shit to yourself. Better yet, delete those stories and vow never to write another word until you stop being a piece of shit.
Stories about zombies
Yeah, zombies are so cool and hip. Zombie pub crawls, zombie races, zombie everything. Is zombie erotica a thing yet? Probably. But here’s the real thing: stories about zombies suck. No one’s written a clever zombie story in years. The Walking Dead has been running for at least three seasons too many. Have you really not realized that every episode is exactly the fucking same yet? That’s because there’s nothing else you can do with zombies other than run from them or bash in their brains. Next time you’re thinking about writing a zombie story, bash yourself over the head with your typewriter until the idea vanishes. Seriously, you won’t get your zombie story published. Even most horror zines explicitly state that zombie stories are a tough sell. Even Zombie Zine doesn’t want any more zombie stories! Translation: no one is ever going to publish your stupid zombie story, so it’s time to let the undead rest in peace.
Stories set in bars
Do you like going to bars? That’s great! Bars can be lots of fun. But you know what’s not fun? Stories set in bars. Literally every single one of these stories ends up with just a bunch of drunk assholes sitting around talking. Any “action” that ever takes place is either someone having a flashback, people having an argument (and maybe a really shitty fight scene), or someone getting laid (that bathroom sex scene is so steamy!). None of these story lines are even remotely interesting. No one wants to read about the shit people do when they get drunk (or high, for that matter). So next time you’re thinking about setting your story in a bar, just take it outside right from the beginning. Or just get drunk and revel in the evening without writing at all.
Stories with graphic dead baby scenes
If this sounds disgusting to you, it is. If this sounds like something you’d never write, then thank goodness. I already want to read your work. You wouldn’t believe how damn many dead baby stories I’ve had to read. I understand that it’s a traumatic thing. I almost experienced it firsthand with my firstborn, and I would never think to make it into a graphic work of fiction. 99.9% of these stories are disgusting nightmares that are using dead babies for shock value in order to try to get published. They aren’t insightful or moving or redeeming. They’re just sickening attempts at manipulating feelings. Seriously, I once read a submission that involved a cab driver finding a tiny dead fetus poking out from under the backseat after he had to endure a long drive with an arguing couple. People don’t want to read about dead babies, and anyone who’s ever lost a baby isn’t writing horrible shitty fiction that’s graphically manipulating their experience.
Please, write anything else instead
There are almost endless story possibilities out there. If you choose any of the above, then you deserve every rejection you get and then some. Stop writing these terrible stories and start writing about things people actually want to read. Tap into your creativity and create something no one has ever seen before. We all have the ability to do it. We just have to be willing to get out of the bar and away from the zombies and stop pretending we as writers should be the heroes of our stories. We make terrible heroes. But we can write great ones if we try.
So what stories should you write? Try one of these short story ideas to improve your chances of publication.
What are stories that you are absolutely sick of reading? Share your overdone story ideas in the comments. And don’t forget to share this post on your favorite platforms.
I love your sense of humor, and insight.
Wait, how about this? A racist, homophobic writer who was in a bar talking about writing a story about dead babies who is then stabbed with a fountain pen by an exasperated editor, and the man becomes a zombie and must “live” his days wandering around babbling. I could throw in some teenaged vampires too if that would help!
Paul, if you can write that, I will read it. Good luck!
Dead babies? No, I can’t believe it. That is utterly grim.
If the zombie story is really funny, there’s a chance I might buy it. What I hate are shaggy dog stories. The only good one I thing I’ve read was Twain’s “The Old Ram”, and I wasn’t 100% enchanted with it.
Can we actually get some fantasy with the dragons and without the romance? If I wanted to read a romance novel, I would be in the “romance” section. :/
What about fantasy with dragon romance?
How about a story about zombie babies set in a bar? Or a family adopting a troublemaking
dead zombie baby?
I think you would be able to find a place to publish both those story ideas. They also sound like a lot of fun to write!
May I add vampires? Hollywood snuck in when no one was looking and stole away with that one. I say this even as I’m working on a vampire who runs a bar and falls for a mortal but both are so dysfunctional…
Absolutely! If I make a part two of this post, then vampires will definitely make the list. Thanks for reading and commenting.
I read and agree with you, but I am wondering how you would explain how Cheers was so successful and then Fraiser. I do agree bar stories are dull and movies depicting all men spending so much time in stripper bars is also insulting.
What do you say?
Thank you for reading and commenting. Cheers probably killed the bar story for everyone else to the point where virtually no writer today could create a good bar story without it seeming derivative or just plain dull in comparison. I also imagine a lot of writers sit down thinking they’ll set their story in a bar so they can create the next Cheers. More likely though, people just set stories in bars because it is a really easy setting.
I was considering writing about the experience of writting and I will, i have the perfect plot but I think its going to be for myself, maybe if I get that one out of my system I can go on and write something else
I get tired of fiction I occasionally read where the author has failed to have an end target. The last chapter when I want to get some answers fades away into a nothing that gives no satisfaction whatsoever. I have enjoyed reading the book only to find I had wasted my time.
I am sure that even today it is possible to write a fascinating story about a writer, unfortunately, a dead baby or two might be involved. I am thinking about a historical novel with lot of action and machination. Think of Voltaire, Cyrano, Theophile, Vanini or d’Assoucy.
Although I think that this is a good article, I disagree with the “no graphic baby dead scenes” part. I think that you can kill anybody in your stories. If we start making exceptions, I don’t know where’s the limit. Maybe we shouldn’t kill people at all. Or maybe there should be no violence at all in fiction. Stories would be so much more boring if nobody ever died. What makes a baby’s death a “sickening attempt at manipulating feelings”, but an adults death okay?
Do you have kids?
Yes.
Can I just say, stories based on the classic fairytales (cinderella etc) are really getting old. I can’t count the different versions on Robin Hood I’ve come across in my life.
I totally agree with you. You have write great and useful topic. Anyone can get knowledge from your content. Very helpful. Thanks a lot.
Salem’s Lot has vampires, bars, a dead baby and it’s about a writer….
And Misery is about a writer too. And Trainspotting has a dead baby. A good chunk of Ulysses is set in various pubs. You can make anything work if you’re good enough.
I can agree to just add it for shock value if it serves no further purpose in the story is crap. But there are a lot of movies and series with those scenes and they are still being watched – so why is it not okay in books? Also where I live there is fiction about dealing with infertility and there it’s kinda hard to avoid baby death.
And there are a lot of writers dealing with ugly parts of life: murder, rape , kidnapping and torture. What makes anything of that more okay to be published ? It sucks that kids die but it is also an ugly part of life.
Wow this whole article was pretty off-putting especially using cursing at a poor attempt at humor.
And there are plenty of stories and movies that have used one of those “nevers” you mention. Never say “never.”
Almost every movie or even book has a bar scene.
Don’t forget to have him fall in love and be overwelmingly sexist towards the love intrest to top it off.
I have written a book about to be published. Racist, gangsrers tend to be racist, Homophobic. We my wife and I bought a large Gold Coast Hotel of mortgage in possession. We nearly went broke. A brewery rep suggested turning it into a gay hotel. We were desperate, me an ex Sydney quarsi gangster, my wife 20 years you her a God bothering Bible basher homophobic daughter of a Baotist Minister. What could go wrong, lots of humour.
I started reading this thinking, “I like a challenge. I’ll just do what he says not to.” But ended fully agreeing with everything. All of those ideas are either sh!t, or overdone, or both. I’d rather read a story about a guy marooned on a desert island with a talking parrot, and over time the parrot takes on the personality of the guy, and vice versa.