More Shit to Write About

Last Updated on March 16, 2019 by Nathaniel Tower

The toughest part about writing isn’t the actual writing. It’s figuring out what to write about. It can be frustrating as hell to come up with a topic that’s actually worth putting in the time to develop into a full poem, blog post, story, novel, letter, or whatever the hell else you might right. Hell, even a grocery list can stump you sometimes.

A few years ago, I wrote about what you should write about when you have nothing to write about. And while everything on that list is still valid today if you’re trying to figure out what to write about, there’s a good chance you’ve already written about all those topics. Which means you need some more shit to write about.

So let’s not waste any more time with long-winded intros about why you need shit to write about. After all, you’re here because you want to write shit, not because you want to read shit.

Here’s the shit to write about:

Rewrite your favorite novel with yourself as the main character. You’ve always wanted to be the star of the story, right? Well, here’s your big chance. Grab a copy of your favorite book and start retyping it. Insert your name everywhere the original main character exists. Give the new main character some of your traits. Want to change the ending? Why the hell not. This is your story now.

Write a blog post about blogging about blogging about blogging about blogging to make money so you can start a blog and work from home as a full-time writer. Did you follow all that? Good. You’re not just blogging about blogging here. There’s way too much of that shit out there. Your blog post will have so many layers that it will be impossible for any wannabe blogger not to take your advice seriously. This is the one blog post that will probably make your career.

Make a list of all the things other people have written that you could’ve written better if only you had the idea first. It’s happened to all of us. We’re scrolling around on Facebook or Twitter or some other social media timesuck when we find some super compelling story or article that makes us go, “Goddamit, I could’ve written this shit if only I had thought to write about this!” You’ll probably be able to fill up an entire Word Doc with this one. Wait, is there actually a way to get to the end of a Word Doc? Hmm, that gives me another idea for shit to write.

Hold down one key on your keyboard until Microsoft Word won’t let you type any more characters in the document. Which key you choose is up to you. Any key will do. Well, make it an alphanumeric key at least. Don’t sit there holding down backspace for three hours like a dumbass. That’s not going to be very productive for anyone. If your spirit compels you, it’s okay to switch to a new letter or number after a while. Just don’t get too carried away. This is about quantity, not quality.

Write an erotic food story. Everyone likes food. Everyone likes sex. Put them together for a story that you’ll love to write and people will love to read. Make sure to use all the cliches. You know, like “throbbing member” and “moist turkey breast” and “delicious cucumber sandwich.” Damn, I’m hungry right now.

Stare at your computer screen and scream inventive profanities. This may not sound like writing, but it will quickly turn into your most productive writing exercise ever. Nothing gets the creative juices flowing like yelling “fuckabyte” or “fuckageddon” or “fuckytasking.” But don’t think about it very hard. Just yell whatever comes to your mind. There will be some bad shit in there, but eventually one of those words is going to make you say, “Holy shit, that’s some fucktingle shit to write about right there.”

Go on a rant about why you hate this shit or that shit. What could be more productive than getting all your hate out on paper? This isn’t just an exercise in writing. It’s a therapeutic exercise in stress management. The key here is to pound the keys as hard as you can with each letter you type. Don’t worry about breaking the keyboard. These things are pretty tough. Just worry about destroying the topic you hate. After all, you’re a writer and the pen is so much mightier than the sword.

Write a letter to yourself about how terrible of a writer you are. Nothing is more motivating than haters. And the best hate always comes from within. Write the most self-deprecating shit you can come up with about why you are absolutely the worst at writing. Pick apart everything about your writing. Talk about how even your mom won’t read what you wrote. For icing on the cake, point out how even the letter you wrote to yourself is shitty as hell.

Create a list of shit to write about. The most productive writing exercise in the world is just writing a list of shit you want to write about. The trick on this one is to have absolutely no filter on yourself. Just type and don’t stop typing until your brain completely shuts down. It could be anything. It could even be literal shit. Resist the urge to start writing about any of this shit on the spot. Your goal here is to build a big ass list of shit. Save it on your desktop with a clever name like “SHIT TO WRITE ABOUT” so you see it every time you turn on your computer. You’ll never NOT have something to write again.

There. Now you have some more shit to write about. Don’t ever make the excuse that you have nothing to write about. You can literally write about anything whenever you want. There are no rules here. Just get out your favorite motivational coffee mug and start fucking writing.

What’s some shit you write about when you need shit to write about? Share in the comments.